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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
why did you not choose to have a child of your own?
You do understand that I myself am not a child?
All right. I think I can handle the defense.
TED: Oh! Fuck me! TAMI-LYNN: What's the matter?
.
Time to leave histo!
(SCOFFS) Now, come on!
Hello, Jews!
that happily-ever-afters exist only in the pages of fairy tales
JOHN: We're giving you the tools, buddy.
For the sperm.
That was fucking classic!
Es gibt keine Tittenbuxen, nur Phritten mit Titten! There are no Tittenbuxen, Only Guys with Tits
It doesn't matter what the world calls me. I know who I am.
Hello.
And while I'm sympathetic to your cause,
I was wrong.
People are trying to sleep!
(sNIFFs)
There's another issue,
oh what the what what are you doing
She gets... You get it.
Get off me!
do you love your wife?
IVlmm.
Take a look at this. I found a cowboy hat and a rifle and a guitar.
Do I have fuck-me eyes?
What?
(SNIFFLING) This isn't fucking fair.
You are meddling with powers you do not understand.
Okay. Um, I just may need a signature in case
Um, in the case of Ted v. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts,
I'm sorry you're not who I hoped you'd be.
That wasn't supposed to happen.
Fine.
What?
Johnny, thank you! Thank you so much!
Me about to present in front of the class
We should probably focus our attention on the case for now.
and it was one of the best highs I ever had.
Thunder Buddies Storms on Monday & Tuesday
Thank you, Your Honor.
You sick bastard! Look at this! Chicks with dicks?
but I need you to go to the waiting area now, please.
Oh, why can't you just say please?
UNHALES)
TED: Bill Cosby.
So in the pocket.
(GASPS) Oh, my God!
And no matter how many
What do you say there, happy face?
My turn, (Bleep)!
One day I woke up and I just realized I wasn't myself anymore.
Julie when Glenn agreed to give her massage
my message to phil spencer
How you doing?
by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
The face of the business? So get the fuck off my case!
Well, everybody says you're the best in town.
MALE NARRATOR: We are often told
I'll get right down to it.
I was talking. I was just talking, just now, until you interrupted me.
Dress up like we're into this shit and fuck with the nerds.
I... I mean, they say, uh, Trix are for kids in the commercials.
(STUTTERS) What? What's wrong?
I invite you.
This is not a toy Leeland!
John, what's going on?
Hey, Johnny, how about a beer, huh?
I $66.
Yeah.
to be a part of these proceedings.
It's got to be Fuck_ It has to be Fuck_
But I think you'll be impressed with my client.
TED: A-ha! I fucking knew it!
with a wife-beater under his Bruins jacket
Hey, do you think I could take a picture with you?
Okay, I'm going to bring these back to my apartment.
He's not cheap,
You piece of shit.
Did you find it difficult as an actor, playing opposite a car?
Okay? So, uh...
He got a little wasted, so these two dudes took him out back to sober up.
What the hell do they know?
What the hell is a leaf of this stuff
What do you mean, What? After hours?
Yeah. Yeah, I did. I got an A on it.
I'm so glad I'm finally caught. I wanted to be caught!
Hello? You're dicks.
You know...
But let's make one thing clear.
Come on.
KITT, it's all right. Just let it go, huh?
It is the same beast, just wearing a different face,
(EXHALES)
a little boy named John Bennett made a wish
God damn it!
Come on.
Yeah, there was an issue, so he's
Johnny, come on.
Wait, let me try.
I'm telling you, Ted,
My turn @$$ holes
because you are a good man, David Hasselhoff
He's my best friend.
Okay, what is it?
Did you see which way they went?
On Tuesday nights, we get fucked up and throw apples atjoggers
(STUTTERS) Okay, maybe something else.
Would be a sweet-ass fucking baby.
(SIGHS) I... I'm sitting here
What?
Shit!
sda
Do, Do, Do!
Well, don't yell at us, dude! We didn't do anything!
You know why? Because he's a person.
Wait, what do you mean, Go ahead? You got to do it.
Mr. Kidder,
You sick bastard! look at this! hard edge porn?
Why? Nobody here likes you!
I want to feel useful, you know?
(CLEARS THROAT)
Ms. Jackson?
wrote me a check...
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Oh, it's my pleasure.
ANGRY BIRDS
No, I'm sorry! I thought I'd built a better case.
Gosh dang it Leeland what the heck is wrong with you?
that guy running around in here.
and my sperm count's a little low.
Yes, I supervised the stuffing of the teddy bears.
(CROWD cHEERING)
YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Uh, you don't get that with a car.
Wake up, Johnny.
Teddy, it's your turn to change him.
Yeah.
The drugs, the parties, the prostitutes, the arrests.
Licker?
I'm blinking it in!
I agree. (BOTH CHUCKLE)
Ted. Right, right. Sorry, sorry.
(SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
I don't know what to say.
I could find some happiness
I think I want to sleep on a bed made of your voice.
You're on the stand, the DA says,
Your cat?
your ovarian canal has been somewhat compromised.
You shut the nuts up
TED TOY VOICE: I love you!
Some people go through their whole lives
I'm a fucking pro!
At his office in New York.
with just a splash of Grey Goose?
I'm Gonna Get A Huge Migraine In The Parking Lot In About 20 Minutes.
deserves to be called human.
Uh-huh. Look at that.
What the fuck did you just call me, fucker?
Mr. Ivleighan, we've come along way to meet you
A synthetic cotton-poly blend.
I love you so much.
Yeah. Well, you're not the first guy