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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
MAN: Hey!
Hey, Johnny. Johnny.
I know, I know, I know. And... And that's why...
So you're saying you are capable of feeling love.
I'm nervous that you're going to be swayed
You sons of bitches! What the fuck is your... (GRUNTS)
(SCOFFS) It's what this country does best.
Well, Johnny, this is the second time you've made me real.
So if I purchase these Trix, there'll be no trouble?
Hi.
Ms. Jackson? Mr. Meighan will see you now.
You got your hand on your dick. What are you doing?
Fish in my hair!
Yes!
Maybe if you guys had spent a little less time mooning over each other,
No. It's got to be "Fuck." It must be "Fuck."
I don't want to jinx it, but I think so.
You were my thunder buddy.
Objection!
Yeah, I am capable. I love a lot of stuff. Yeah.
It's been some time, hasn't it?
TED: Oh! Oh, fuck!
Take your goddamn teddy bear with you!
Are you gonna let me finish talking?
I defended Ted Clubber Lang in Ted v. Massachusetts.
We need an ambulance at 655 West 34th.
He lost.
Start compressions. Prepare to intubate.
MEN: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
I hope your kids get bird flu!
He's a gourmet chef. So he knows how to toss a salad.
If we get out of here by dawn, we should be fine, right?
Sweet Caroline
When I saw this, I threw up. Almost quit medicine.
Hey, fuck your Chrysler!
There's just no indication
Yeah, it's unbelievable. "Property."
How am I supposed to explain that to everybody?
See, I was trying to figure out
All right, great.
we're once again blind to it as it's happening.
and making them watch Tyler Perry.
(INHALES)
Two League MVPs, four Super Bowl rings,
waiting for Downtown Abbey to come on.
It's just a way for the government
We should just wait by the car.
Holy shit! Zombie! He's a fucking zombie!
(TEMPO INCREASES)
No, don't start this shit, all right?
It's a crosswalk, jackass! We have the right of way! Yeah.
But let's make one thing clear.
And, uh, I won't be followed?
Right on. You, too, man.
Come on, let's get out of here!
oh yes you can noooooooooooooo!
But they patted us down on the way in here. Where'd you even hide it?
It's totally potent.
You are the fucking greatest, man. Holy shit!
Unh!
Comic Con fans,
And I own four houses on Baltic Ave.
Eff yeah.
I'm sorry I turned you away.
So I talked him into going along with the bit.
for taking time out of their busy schedules
(SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Video? I like Asian teen stuff preferably.
a broken marriage and make it work again?
(RIPS) (GASPS)
No But Maybe sonething inside the box well Crikey! All the animals have gone mad! U n h! Aaah! Get it out! Smack her in the head! Go, Gill, go! Fish in my hair!
Yeah, she's our enemy now.
in the river, titties out. You good.
It doesn't matter what the world calls me. I know who I am.
Hey,Bennett!
Yeah, sure.
You know, as much as I love this person, we're completely wrong for each other.
Me while p*rn : Hilarious
Yeah, that's great.
Oh, it's my pleasure.
All right, there, you happy?
SAMANTHA: That was such a good dinner, Tami-Lynn.
so I want a full report on all...
"the state of Massachusetts regrets to inform you
Frink as tolanda ambassador
Hey, do you think I could take a picture with you?
Sorry, sir.
(CHEERING)
Thirsty, Urkel?
Why do you think I want your Cookie Crisp?
Oh, hey, Guy.
You were wrong to do that. Yeah.
What's the status?
to get stoned with me. She never would.
With your beam you led the way
Okay? So, uh...
You know why you lost this case?
What? No.
There's containers over there. Scoop it up with that.
I have a college degree.
Excuse me, Doctor, your wife's on the phone.
Ms. Jackson?
and a shamrock tattoo on his calf? Nope.
Thanks, Sam.
Who's Superman? What?
Yes, I supervised the stuffing of the teddy bears.
You mean ol' moon
Oh, shit! Fuck!
Jesus Christ.
Your adoption request may have raised some red flags.
Your Honor? Mr. Bennett.
and I'll be back with $200.
You better not be messing with me.
I love my wife. Okay? My wife.
and I... I can't believe it's official.
I would first like to thank the ladies and gentlemen of the jury
Oh, my God! Are you fucking kidding me?
I am meddling with powers I can not possibly understand.
Rome Tokyo Madrid New York Berlin Paris London Brasilia
I'm confident you'll make the right decision.
(WHISPERS) Yes, I do.
You guys making trouble over here?
Johnny, meet your new godson,
Overruled! Sidebar?
Does your dog deserve human rights?
Okay, you ready? Oh, shit Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(INHALES)
you call in every favor
Well, you think that’s great, you just see the Rest of the Town. You know, I loved to see the Rest of the Town! So, you just open the gate, take this boot off, you mean to get the Kalute in check out the local sink.
SAM: And do you, Ted,
Thank you, Your Honor.
So in the pocket.
"and, therefore, invalid and hereby annulled."
You Just Got to Bang Her and Maybe Pee on Her a Little
Fuck you!
You son of a bitch!
No. This is insane.
Oh, look, I did a lot of blow in the '80s
Mr. Bennett? John?
Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse.
Oh, my God! (SOBS) I have a disease, all right? I need help!
Cut the shit.
Come on, guys. I mean, are we done here? I got to go.
you're still the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.
I'm gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minutes.
I just did a line with a dude in the men's room
One minute, you in Africa, washing your clothes
(SNIFFS)
Is that the boxing movies?
TED: Oh! Fuck me! TAMI-LYNN: What's the matter?
Uh, yeah.
Gotcha! Keep down! Spongebob!
You're covered in rejected black-guy sperm.