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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
I let you guys down all over again.
Oh! That's nice.
Well, Ted is suing for his civil rights.
What are you doing? I'm getting ready, dude.
Yeah, totally. Hey, hey.
I mean, I've never voted.
All right, Starbucks. Okay, now, who's in the Starbucks?
I could find some happiness
Whoa-ho! Take a burn!
Erection.
It can't be argued by reason.
We never had this conversation.
What the hell is a leaf of this stuff
JOHN: Um, hey. Um...
Is it a freak of genetics?
You've never seen Rocky? She's not serious.
Wait a minute. You brought your switchblade?
(LIGHTER FLICKERING)
All I know is I feel stuff.
Oh, you think this is big?
Not according to the government. I'm sorry.
Fresh cakes! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
No, he's not my property. He's a person.
And when the next conflict comes along,
That is unbelievable!
guaranteed first ballot Hall of Famer.
Sorry, my mistake.
maybe he'll come to life
It's got to be skin on skin, otherwise it doesn't work.
All right, two can play this Where's Waldo shit, you son of a bitch!
Justin Bieber
that wish you made when you were a child,
Reaching out
I don't know what to say.
and you guys can do all kinds of drugs together.
Or a piece of property?
Oh! Well done!
Forgive me, that's a normal ovary.
North Pole
FEMALE NEWSCASTER: Also in the news, a pending court case
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
(GLASS BREAKS)
Look, I'm so sorry! We swear to God, it was an accident.
Yeah.
Come on, read between the lines, Sam. It's "Fuck."
The only problem is
aww i'll go and get it.
Hey! Um, are you, uh, Tom Brady?
What's going on, is this guy just won the bullshit comedy blue ribbon.
You do?
Oh, I fucking owe you, you bastard.
Thunder buddies for life.
I've never had Pringles on my steak before.
All right. I think I can handle the defense.
(SIGHS)
What do you mean, "What?" I'm totally screwed here.
I invite you
Fresh cakes.
It's a cross between Lemon Skunk and Super Silver Haze.
Uh, no, that's... That's not in our budget here.
What do you mean? You wear a smock, you're a fucking cashier.
I mean, aren't you supposed to be fighting
How the city Treats it’s employees
Look, I'm not a scientist, okay?
"Teddy, it's your turn to change him."
Jesus Christ. Look at the organization here!
Come on.
Oh, yeah? Was your mascot a broken condom?
TED: How's your workout? JOGGER: Fuck you!
And when I have him, I'll call you with the code phrase.
and it's all up to him now.
Ted has already lost his job, his marriage has been annulled.
You messed up my car.
More than anything in the world.
He's a teddy bear on his own in New York, for God's sakes.
No rights, no nothing.
Uh, okay. Yeah, it's around back.
TED: Oh, my God.
sleeping and cuddling with a child.
Must've left your present in the indycar, sweetie.
You're takin' all the light that's left in you
Oh, you've been following the case. That's great.
I don't know what kind of mojo was in
Are you submitting?
They do move in herds.
I got to be honest with you. I'm...
I love you too, baby. I'll see you soon.
Crike!
I'm sorry you're not who I hoped you'd be.
I'm trying to get it half hard,
So, we're gonna win this thing?
Well, it's not my fault, A-Rod! You were supposed to catch it!
Hey! I found his dad! - Where's Spongebob? Where's He!
Come here!
Why are you saying, "Fuck him"?
Mean ol' moon
You're acting like an asshole!
Raah! I'm a piranha. They're in the Amazon.
a slave by the name of Dred Scott
Oh, good point.
Yeah.
(INAUDIBLE)
Now, we're assholes. Look what you did.
It's just a word.
Are you Ted?
Good morning. Now...
Uh, yeah, yeah. You'll... You'll be okay.
we all saw the distressing images
Who the hell are you?
Good eye, good eye.
It's not good or bad. It just means
Not especially, but I love helping good people
I don't know how my life works without you.
Well, Sam, it's been 20 minutes. You wanna take over?
What are you doing to your hand?
I'm gonna fucking cut that judge.
Teju Sorry Teju Sorry
(SIGHS)
You do understand that I myself am not a child?
Tami-Lynn, according to your test results, you're no longer fertile.
Oh, my God, Teddy.
Wait, wait, wait. What's your middle name?
Morning, Mr. Jessup.
I work for Mattel.
Um, do I just spit in my hand or do I get
Oh. Yeah, okay, yeah. Too bad. You're missing out on a great guy.
Wallace! Versus! Shut The Fucked up!
is beginning to get national attention
(LAUGHING) (LAUGHING)
I was wrong.
trying to make it work with the wrong person.
Well... Well, why not?
The plaintiff is hereby legally deemed property.
but I'm going to this after-hours thing
What a prick!
Ted, you're my best friend. I'd do anything for you.
What is your name?
Oh, what do you mean? My parents got him for me when I was a kid.
You see, Your Honor?
(ALARM BLARING)
MALE NARRATOR: And so our story comes to an end.
Take a look at this. I found a cowboy hat and a rifle and a guitar.
Where Are Your Friends Now Amigo I'm Done Taking Orders
You mean it?
(SIGHS) It's okay. I just wish he wasn't so goddamn cute.
where I'd seen you before and that's it.
Hey! Must be the money
Uh, I was able to sniff that out, yeah.
I don't know, Teddy. Somethings got to change, you know?
Yeah, I got to take a leak.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Hey, Johnny, come on. It's almost 7:00. We got to get up there.
at his office in New York.
Just so you know, I'm totally willing to do it.
Mr. T's character in Rocky III. Hello?
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, yeah, we talked about it today.